Winter is coming, I can feel it, I know it because the sun is down at 3:40, and I mean down, it just gets dark. The air is cold, getting colder, it feels cold too because of the water, every drop of moisture in the air squeezes the warmth out of you when you walk places. I feel like curling up in a blanket by a wood stove, reading a good book, drinking some hot chocolate and schnapps and petting the dog. I of course don’t have a dog, a good blanket, a book that I have time to read that isn’t about chemistry, geology or biology, let alone a wood stove. So I’ll have to settle for sitting in my florescent light lit dorm room, drinking cheap beer, tying flies I probably won’t use, and basking in the glow of the computer. I want a cozy cabin, with a good dog, a good woman, a good stove a good pile of wood to burn, a trap line to run, water to haul, flies to tie, and dreams to dream.

Each morning I wake up and wonder what the hell I’m doing, living here in Juneau, where I am stuck, where I can’t just run away from my problems. I keep telling myself I’m working for my future, I know I am, I’m so close to being done with school, to being free to do whatever I want. I’m so close to not having responsibilities and obligations to anyone, not even myself. It feels good to get close, I remember the feeling in high school, I remember enjoying each day, because I knew this was as good as it got, no responsibilities, being surrounded by good friends every day. I wish I could enjoy this last year like that. My good friends are now spread across the country like they are salmon in the ocean, maybe they will make it home some day, maybe. If we are all salmon wandering through life on the great gyre in the pacific, avoiding nets, avoiding predators, do we meet again in the end? I think we will, I think I’ll die and rot with my brothers and sisters around me, and if I’m lucky and cunning when I’m dead and gone I’ll have passed the torch of nourishment to a new generation to fulfill the needs of others. The streams, the forests, the bears, the gulls and the people will get fulfilled by the bodies of salmon, who give up their lives to nourish their offspring. One day I’ll do the same, until then I want to live in the woods and sit by a fire.